What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 28.06.2025 00:30
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But ive been too sick for many years..
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Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
What does it mean if you dream your dad died?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Would this be the day?
Has your wife or girlfriend ever been felt up in public by a stranger?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She found it foreign!.
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Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
So whats the point in blame.
Im still living with it.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Should India conduct another air strike to attack Pakistan over the Pahalgam attack?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
How can one learn to talk frankly?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She was in good health!
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I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
It was going to be , some day.
Is there an MBTI personality that is more or less likely to handle stress?
All the time i was locked up.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Which diploma is best for a job?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Who then, do I blame.?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
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She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
We all went to grammer schools
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
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I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
What are Chinese hot pot restaurants? What do they serve, and why is it so popular in China?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I will be 64.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But it wasn’t much.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Put me off passion for life!!
As i do to all so called friends.?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And i lived it daily.
I don,t even have a pension.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He resisted the act ,that day.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I couldn’t, believe it.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I waited trembling.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Especially a lifetime of it.
What did i know ?
Ive learnt so much.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But, we were locked up after school.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I write beautiful poetry .
When she asked me how she looked .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My family never makes their pension either.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I never cut or harmed myself..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I was 9 years of age.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I think the readers, may guess!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He knew the spot.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Comes on , in middle age.
This is soul school!.
I have no regrets .
I was scared of men, in general
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
We were not on the streets..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She loved him until the end.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I said to her
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She married twice! .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I was seconnd youngest,
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Was to survive, this bastard.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
So, i spoilt her more .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
My life is so biszare .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
One cannot live in the past .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I was very sick at this time too.
She wouldn,t have been !
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!